Nothing is Ever Routine

Routine, is going in for your monthly OB visits, ultra sounds, etc. and getting the green light ... a thumbs up .... the "Atta Girl" and a slap on the back. Less Routine is going for your run of the mill OB appointment and discovering that your fundal measurements are "off" and we should get an ultra sound to check things out. Even less routine, is going for that ultra sound at 8am the next morning and getting a call a few minutes later from your OB at the desk and then following up that phone call with a video conference call from another doctor in another office who has just reviewed the findings. So much for routine.

At 27 weeks... 27 and 3/7 to be exact, we were sent to Banner Good Samaritan Hospital for the duration of our pregnancy. Jonathan and I hurried back home so I could wrap my head around this news, get a few things in place and not feel as though I'd been completely knocked off my rocker. It was later in the afternoon before we made it back in to Phoenix and checked in at the hospital. Registration, admitting, the room, once over by the nurse, once over by the Resident, it took a while... Later, a visit from Dr Elliot, the High Risk specialist. who was candid and honest about what was happening. He'd not seen the scans at that point, but based on the findings concerning my placental blood flow, he felt we were looking at an asymmetrical growth issue. (it's called IUGR, Inner Uterine Growth R--- something. it escapes me right this minute) Problem here, is that it's not reversible, it will continue to worsen. There were measures in place to keep an eye on the blood flow. He told us making it to 30 weeks would be amazing. And unlikely. He felt it would be 8-10 days best. in his words, "We are going to push you to the edge of disaster ..." and then you'll deliver. Hmmmm... Well, he hadn't yet seen the scans from that morning, so Jon and I were thinking positive thoughts and really projecting for 32-34. Hey, he told us to think positive, it goes a long way. Jonathan eventually headed for home and I eventually had another visitor. Dr Guillermo, or Gutierrez ... I've heard him called both, Jon thinks it's Guillermo Gutierrez. I have no clue. But, I know his face and he knows mine and that's all that really matters. He's amazingly compassionate and already, I know we are better for knowing him and having Ainsley in his care.

I was overwhelmed with the news we'd received that night. Of course, they need to toss you each worst case scenario - I get it and understand it, but having had a seemingly picture perfect pregnancy to that point, it seemed like absolute insanity. Later, my nurse came in to insert the IV. she gave it one go and it didn't work so, she went for another nurse (side note: turns out she's just returned from being away with a broken hip. which she got bowling. Funnier when you realize she's only in her early 30's at best. she's still getting grief over it. LOL) Anyway. In walks nurse number two, and an answer to prayer. I looked up and saw the face of an old friend. Valree Hakes. It was such a blessing to see her and feel the warmth of someone you know so well. I know Heavenly Father sent her to me. I've never had a nurse give up after one stick of the needle. ha..ha..

I didn't sleep that night ... I remember opening the shades around 4:30 as I could see the pink in the sky as the sun was just starting to make an appearance. It always feels better when the sun shines. I finally fell asleep around 5:30 and slept for a good hour and a half until the Resident made her morning rounds. I had two thoughts that continued to come to mind.

1.) "Where Much is Given, Much is required"

2.) A chorus of a song, a duet that I'd known years ago and hadn't thought of in so long. The songs is someone pleading to Heavenly Father for strength and his reply .... something like this:
... Will thou encircle me, in the arms of thy love, I ask if thou will make me whole? Will thou encircle me in the arms of thy love and bring thy peace unto my soul.
... I will encircle thee in the arms of my love and la la la ..... can't actually recall the words now, but I hear the tune in my head and it ends "and speak my peace unto your soul".... Guess I'll be diggin' that music out again. ha..ha..

That day (Wednesday) , I had a positive looking ultra sound. Later Dad visited with the boys. I knew I'd be emotional when I saw them .... they walked in the door and I burst into tears, but quickly regained my composure and then was fine. Poor Ian just looked at me. But when I explained to him that I was just so happy to see them, he thought it was a solid explanation and quickly moved on. One of the most difficult things was knowing that I was leaving for many weeks and wouldn't be home with the boys and Jon. While I had an intellectual understanding of what was happening and how important it would be for the baby, it was nevertheless quite heartbreaking. Later that afternoon I went for what was expected to be weeks of twice daily hydrotherapy treatments. Trust me, a 30 minute soak twice daily ... not something you were going to have to coax me into. Of course, I think I threw my nursing assistant a little off track when she asked if I'd like to have the radio on and I said "Yes, can you find KTAR? It's 92.3" First, I don't think she'd heard of talk radio ... second, and not unlike my husband, she has no real interest in or understanding of why, talk radio should exist in the first place. ha..ha... But, it was my own moment of zen and I called the shots. ;)

I felt renewed and prepared for this journey. I knew our success was based on positive thinking, much prayer and faith, and patience. I was ready.

Thursday started much the same, breakfast, hydro tub, Dad and Amy came to visit ... Amy was so sweet to bring polish for my toes. (how did she know?? ha..ha.) It was around 2:00p that things got a little twisted. Twice a day we would monitor the baby for 20 min. Today, however, there was something unsettling about her readings to the nurses. So calls to residents were made, I was given cold juice, and tried to maintain my most awkward position. Turns out this little girl liked to sit right in my pelvis, move constantly and avoid anything that was trying find her. Seriously, once you had good read, you needed to be still until it was over. This is no easy task for a pregnant woman who needs the bathroom about every 10 minutes. At some point, Dr Schwartz (who was in for Dr Nelson who'd left the previous night for vacation) moved me over to Labor & Deliver for 24 monitoring. To say I've never been more uncomfortable is not an exaggeration ... and I've had two kids, only one with an epidural. May have been the stress, but I think it was the L & D beds, they were outrageously uncomfortable in comparison to other beds in the hospital. (and at this point, I've had three rooms and a couch in the NICU. Event Ainsley's couch is more comfy. LOL). We spent hours trying to calm the baby. there were more monitors, more ultrasounds and more chaos. The night dragged on. I tried to be calm. The Suns lost and failed to save the series, that didn't help ... it was a rough night. Dr Harman, the Resident on staff that night was in close contact with Dr Schwartz, who mentioned more than once that the last thing Dr Nelson said was "Keep that girl pregnant until I get home!" Won't he be surprised to discover that not only did we deliver, but she'll be more than 2 wks old when he returns. The last thing I said to him on the phone the night he left was "bring me a t-shirt". Hope he brings back two.

tThings continued to worsen with the baby and sometime after 10p, my blood pressure started to elevate. typically, my BP runs very low, so any increase is suspect. I guess it must have been around midnight or later that word came in that we had to just go. Dr Harman said numerous times that his job was to keep me pregnant. I know he hated to tell me we were going to deliver, but sometimes, I guess you just have to be "that guy".

Next thing you know we're in "Crash Mode". There are people swirling about, papers being signed. We rush to the OR, Jon's handed clothes to change as they wheel the bed thru the hall. There sits Dr Schwartz. She looks at me and says, "We have to do this .... a couple of those strips were just so bad... we have to do this now." And in we went. Spinal block, check. Moved to new table, check. "Can you feel this", check. In walks Jon and sits at my head. Flash. Awesome. I bet I look totally hot right now. I'm so unbelievable happy he got that shot for posterity. ha..ha... It happens so fast, I can see some of what they're doing reflected in the lamps above. She's out, and rushed to the NICU team. Jon goes to her. Schwartz tells me they didn't have to do the kind of cut on my uterus that they'd previously mentioned and that if I wanted to, I could have a V-Bac in the future. I told her not to worry, this was the last. She looked over the curtain and said "You can't make that decision right now". I said, "Trust me, that decision was already made." "Well, if you change your mind..." Yeah, not likely.

Then it was off to recovery for me, Pathology for my screwball placenta and Jon followed the baby to the NICU. And just as soon as it started, it was over. We had our little girl. We didn't know much about her, but she was here. All 650 grams of her ... or in "mommy terms" all 1lb 7oz and 13 inches.

So much for routine.